Five tips for skillful authenticity

Five tips for skillful authenticity

Get more information before making a statement. Making a statement rather than asking a question closes off the possibility that you' ll gain additional understanding and increases the likelihood that you'll be perceived negatively. Don' t jump to the conclusion that your way's the only way without getting the full story.

Raw: That's never going to work.
Polished: I don't have enough information yet to get behind this and see how it will help improve project outcomes. Can you tell me more about what you' re proposing?

Check out any assumptions you might be making. If you think you've made an assumption, ask (and if you don't think you make any assumptions, you've just made a big one!).
More often than not, because of our own filters, what we hear is quite different from what someone has actually said and certainly different from what they might have intended to say.

Get clarity as quickly as possible to avoid tainting the interaction with a misconception made early on.

Raw:You're trying to keep me out of the loop, and you're talking down to me.
Polished: I'm making the assumption that you think I shouldn't be involved in this project and that you think I'm less qualified on this subject than you are. Is that correct?

Raw: You need to do a great job on this project, or we'll all be in trouble.
Polished: In order to fulfill expectations for success on this project, you need to improve our customer relations feedback from fair to good within six months of starting the new approach. Knowing that, is there anything else we need to add to help meet that goal?

Keep everyone focused on the goal and intention. Create common ground on which to share your perspective. This helps people maintain understanding without hitting hot buttons as quickly or ferociously.

Raw: I don't work that way, I have high standards.
Polished: I have some concerns about doing it this way, particularly that our approach will seem rude to customers. I'd like to propose another option that leads to the same goals.

Know the difference between inquiry and advocacy. Much of the time, conversations go nowhere or aren't as productive as they could be, because participants are too busy trying to convince others that their position is the correct one.

Spend time inquiring into another participant's position, as well as sharing why you've arrived at your own position. Remember, your truth isn't the only truth, and you may not even be right. Keeping this in mind helps us be more humble as we enter into conversation with others.

Raw: We can't do that. We have to do what I've suggested, or the project won't work.
Polished: Tell me more about how your suggestion might help us reach our goal for this project, and then I'd like to share more information about my own suggestion.

Set the stage. Demonstrate your authenticity by telling people that you might not have it down pat yet. This comment instantly brings your audience to the table in terms of how you're operating and what they might expect.
Note: Don't use this rule as an excuse to shoot off your mouth about anything. Use it as a guide to your intentions.

Raw: I'm going to say what I'm feeling and thinking.
Polished: Before we get started, I want to let you know that I'm trying to be more authentic. Do all of you feel comfortable with this? (Offer to share examples of your candor.)

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Practical tips for being Assertive

Practical tips for being assertive

Realize that it's all in your head. In situations where you feel you are not speaking your mind, ask yourself why and then ask, "What's the worst thing that couldhappen if I share my thoughts in a civil, clear manner?"The answers to these questions may very well be all you need to calm down and act assertively.Very often, people will see how silly their fears are and that the fears are rooted in their minds, not reality.

Let your intentions motivate your response. Allow yourself to take a moment and identify your beliefs, opinions, and intentions for sharing a thought. The desire to please others often gets in the way of a person'sthinking process and opinion formation.

Be specific. Don't say, "We need that ASAP." Insteadsay, "I need the proposal finished and on my desk by 8a.m. Friday. What do you need to accomplish that?" The more you can avoid assumptions or mixed messages, thebetter.

Don't feign agreement. Don't substitute smiling,nodding, or adopting other body language that suggestsagreement just for the sake of keeping the peace. Disagree actively, but do it in a civil manner! Express disagreement with the idea, not the person -- for example, "I have another opinion, which I'd like to throw on the table."

Ask for clarification. Request more information when asked to do something you believe is unreasonable. Perhaps the explanation will help you understand the request more fully and give you the confidence and assurance to say yes or no.

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